I haven't posted anything in so long. I haven't been going out for anything other than driving class and when I have gone out I didn't really do my makeup or come up with a cute outfit. Actually, on Saturday I went shopping with my mom to get some stuff for the house from Christmas Tree Shop and a gift for her friend for mother's day. We actually ended up going to JC Penney and were so surprised!
I have seen the new commercials for JC Penney but I didn't really take much notice since they have gotten a reputation of having cheap, no brand, or just plain ugly clothes and products. After getting my mom some new bed sheets, we went to the second floor where all the women's clothes were. It was so beautiful!
They had that giant red square from the commercials, sleek white tiles and walls, a Sephora booth under construction and mannequins front and center with very beautiful maxi dresses. I basically would've taken the dresses off the mannequins if I could. When we got to look around we say that there was a display for MNG by Mango!
There was this beautiful print for a top, maxi dress, and sundress. It was the first thing I saw and I was able to get the shirt. There was also this red dress that was very conservetive from the front but once you turned it around you could see it had a diamond shaped opening on the lower back and was kept closed by buttons. The material was so soft too! My mom agree that it was very pretty. She bought herself a coral colored shirt made of the same soft material.
I haven't taken pictures of either of the pieces because I have yet to wear them and I didn't think I would be doing a blog post. I think I'm going to be doing these more often since this is the third day I have hit the post limit on my tumblr account.
I do text posts there now, but I don't see how they're useful on here. They're just little blurbs of annoyances. I would rather not keep bad comments on here (except for that post about my ex boyfriend). I like this to be soft and pretty.
There really isn't much to talk about though. I've been trying to get back into gyaru more. I still have my EGG magazine subscription (I've had it for almost 3 years) and I still wear circle lenses when I'm actually going out. However, my makeup isn't very gyaru. I don't like doing a very natural eye or doing something of a panda shape either.
I very much enjoy colors, even though there are times that I hold back depending where I'm going. Today I went to driving school and decided to try out a look that I had seen prettylilmzgrace do. The video can be found here.
I am once again subscribed to her channel because I absolutely love her makeup looks. They are exactly what I like to do and she's an inspiration. However, I did unsunscribe after what I heard about BitchSlap Cosmetics and found that she still promotes their products. I will never personally buy them but her creativity is hard to find.
Usually, all I see on youtube is everyday/natural/simple makeup looks. They're basically the same thing recreated over and over again. I already know how to do a super natural eye on myself and how to pump it up. I don't need that. So I will subscribe to her even if I don't fully understand why she puts herself in such danger.
Anyway, here's the makeup look. I only used shadows from the BH Cosmetics 88 Matte Color Palette, Hard Candy Stroke of Gorgeous eyeliner in the darkest black, Decolog Who's in Dolly, NYX blush in Pinky, Too Faced Chocolate Soleil bronzer, Revlon Colorburst Lip Butter in Creme Brulee, and MAC Studio Fix Fluid in NC40.
I really need to get my hair done at the salon again. I want to finally go all blonde and get my hair super layered because it is very heavy. Straightening it leaves my hair looking like a lion's mane. I have so much root growth too that it's awful. -___-
I just realized that the last picture looks like something in a year book! LOL. I don't smile like that in school pictures though. I just look like that HBC that if she smiles she'll just make all the other girls look ugly. HAHAHA. I wonder how it feels to be like Regina George. Must be something like how Kyary Pamyu Pamyu feels.
Goodnight, though! I can post on tumblr again and that's what I'll be wasting my time on for the night!
3 YEARS WITH 2NE1! And current anthem thanks to my ex.
I don't even know how to start this post. I've been procrastinating to write on here and I'm not even sure why. I could've written this yesterday but by the time I was ready (all the pictures from my phone had loaded onto my computer) it was 2 am and I wasn't going to sit here until 4 am typing away.
Anyway. Since my life is basically at a stand still when it comes to excitement, I'll talk about shopping, music and some personal crap that is REALLY boring, even to me.
I just noticed earlier that I haven't been shopping for clothes in months and that made me a little sad. Maybe before the summer officially starts my mom will be willing to go out and splurge a bit with me.
Aside from that I have been shopping for other people and for makeup (which has also been neglected wtf). My package from honeycolor finally came it. I got the Dolly Wink No. 2 Sweet Girly and Decolog Who's in Dolly.
Neither of those are natural looking, which is a good thing. I have yet to actually wear them out so I think I'll try them out tonight when I go to driving school.
I also picked up some much needed makeup products:
I love these setting sprays by Urban Decay! I had the original all-nighter but decided to try this one since I do get oily on my t-zone during the day. So far I've noticed that it leaves a weird film on my forehead if I just spritz it on and don't put on foundation. However, it takes longer for my nose to become oily. I haven't tried this with my MAC foundation though so yeah.
This is my absolute favorite bronzer EVER. It is matte and dark. It is a bit pricey but it lasts forever, smells like chocolate, and gives me nice color without making me look orange or like I sprayed gold glitter on my face. I do like shimmery bronzer but only during the summer. Which reminds me, I'll be needing to find one pretty soon. Maybe I'll try MAC's mineralize skinfinish in gold deposit. I don't know. I'll see what people are raving about before I go out and spend $30 on any other bronzer.
Since so many people swear this is a great concealer for a low price I decided to pick it up. I think it's a bit too light for me but if I put it over foundation it covers the darkness leftover and adds a nice light that doesn't highlight the circles. I really like it after playing around with it for a while. I'll go pick up a color up and see how well that works alone. Maybe.
Now this stuff is beautiful. I got in Tiki since it was the only one there and it would be a nice highlighter. It is SO PRETTY and SO PIGMENTED that I can't believe how cheap it was. If I can pick up the darker shades I will definitely use them as bronzer on top of my Chocolate Soleil for that extra dewy shimmer. I've used it all over and it is beautiful.
Also, since I needed a new eyeliner, I picked up this last Hard Candy product. It's called Stroke of Gorgeous and it lives up to its name. It's basically a felt pen and it is very easy to control. The liner comes off matte and dark. It is so perfect. I would have picked up the new Maybelline eyeliner but I couldn't find it in very black (which is the only color I will ever pick up basic eyeliner).
There are so many makeup products that I want to try. I've already picked up all the Revlon lip butters that I wanted, and I have two out of the 4 or 5 color tattoo 24 hour cream shadow. And yesterday I picked up the Illegal Lengths mascara. I'm excited to try it because of the "fiber extensions".
I would love to try the Maybelline master precise ink pen, Volum' Express turbo boost mascara, and the tattoo cream shadow in the shades pomegranate punk, audacious asphalt, and edgy emerald.
Also I'm super excited to get my hands on the new Too Faced Summer Eye Summertime Sexy Eyeshadow palette. The color are so pretty and perfect. This is the first time I have actually really wanted a Too Faced eyeshadow palette. I mean, I already have the Naked palette and they do so many palettes with neutral or natural colors. There's the smokey eyeshadow one that I really have been wanting but I could get a deal on one of those on eBay for sure.
I honestly have nothing going on socially. I'm not going to tell the story about the guy I met because that turned into a bust. I think it was just one of those things that came my way to help me ease out of the break up and transition into a better mood.
It's not like I didn't feel like shit after the break up and while that situation with the new boy was fading. If anyone follows my tumblr they'll see my depressed days and then my recovery.
But I am in a much better mood than I could ever have been otherwise. I have to thank my cousin for that because she really wanted me to stay away from secluding myself for a couple of days. I don't know where my mind would be if she hadn't occupied my time.
I'm also trying to get in touch with some people I haven't talked to in a while. It's funny that people say that you shouldn't stop talking to your friends because you're in a relationship but I feel like some friends make that hard to do. Most of my guy friends backed off once they saw I was in a relationship. It really makes no sense to me.
I love all my boys but only in a platonic way so I have no idea why they would feel the need to get away from me. Most of them even knew Steven personally so it made even less sense.
Anyway I'm back to talking to a few people that I've been missing, such as my unicorn Kyle and my old texting buddy Andrew. It's funny. I actually confessed to Andrew that I was super depressed when I came back home from college and how I was probably never going to be friends with Steven again.
Me and Andrew have a weird friendship. During junior year and the beginning of senior year I wanted to grab his intestines, rip them out, and wrap them around his mouth to keep him quiet. He thought so highly of himself and never knew how to be quiet.
He was part of ROTC with me and while we were hosting a week-long "camp" for the incoming ROTC freshmen the week before school started he would go on tangents in front of the groups, especially the first day. We had to cut him off. I almost threw a chair at him.
I think after a few talks he got the hint that being a pompous ass to new recruits was not the way to get them to listen to you. He improved over the year but I was never close with him. It wasn't until after he finished boot camp and while I was at school that we started texting him.
He's just easy to talk to because I think he's always thought highly and kindly of me even when I wanted to kill him. I'm pretty sure he was aware of the times I wanted him dead because I was very vocal about it. I cursed him out once. Ah, life. So full of surprises.
Here's a picture of me in my AFJROTC uniform:
Medals and ribbons galore! While I was looking for one of these pictures I stumbled across all the pictures I took senior year. They all make me so pumped to go back to blonde! I loved how nice my skin looked with the honeyed color.
Here's a recent picture of me. Out of all the pictures I took that day this is the only one that is even slightly passable so here it is.
I'm probably going to write a post later tonight or sometime over the weekend about my shopping and some happy stuff but for right now I need to write this down to remind myself that I still have something I can call a back bone.
This adventure started on March 22nd, 2012 and ended on April 16th, 2012.
Let me first begin by explaining that I understand that breakups are common and this is not going to be a sob fest. Instead, this will be a dissection of a section of the male population that seems to be missing parts of their brain or must be missing the point of relationships all together.
I'm not going to pretend that I was not sad at the time of the breakup. I actually have not felt as shitty as I usually would, even though I have been fairing much better than I could ever have expected thanks to such wonderful friends and family members. But I am proud to say that I have yet to actually cry because of the end of this relationship. I do believe that is commendable.
Now, I believe I have explained how Steven has been my friend since last year and I actually did consider him a very good friend, if not a best friend. So, since everyone seems to rave about how relationships are so much better when you're friends for a while with the person before dating them, I didn't believe that if me and Steven broke up it would be such a shitty, disastrous mess as it was.
The funny part is that it wasn't messy. As far as I know, he didn't cheat on me and I didn't cheat on him. But who knows if his ex had some influence on this? That boy is still emotionally unstable and I really do blame myself for jumping into the murky waters of relationships with recently single people again just to end up hitting my head at the bottom.
Anyway, I will recount a different story that happened during these days later on this blog entry or maybe later on today after driving school.
After my shopping trip with my cousin on Saturday, we decided to plan a sleep over for Sunday night. I had turned my phone off that night before going to sleep since I had forgotten my charger and both my cousin's were charging their phones. When I woke up and turned on my phone in the morning, I had one text waiting for me from Steven.
My phone previews a line or two of the message for me when I receive them. From the top line I could say that he didn't say "good morning" but just "hi" and some sentence afterwards. I won't lie. I have been expecting a text like that since we decided to start dating again. And on a Monday! How iconic!
So I read the message and I did feel that cold feeling through my veins, in my chest and in my stomach. I was truly disappointed to read such a shitty breakup text. Wait. It was a text.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.
This is really what I believe to be the worst part about the breakup. I have broken up with people over the phone if I could not reach them any time soon, but I prefer to do it face to face (even though that really does kill me inside. I mean who the hell wants to see someone's heart break right there?!) BUT COME ON. Are you really that much of a chicken shit that you can't at least CALL me or wait until I get home that afternoon/night and buy me a coffee and break up with me.
I swear. Guys need to understand that you are not sparing anyone any feelings. And then he added in the text to not text him back. BOY. IF I TEXTED YOU BACK AFTER THAT ATROCITY I WOULD NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF. I HAVE GIVEN ENOUGH OF MY DIGNITY BEFORE FUCKING BEGGING YOU TO NOT GIVE UP. I. AM. DONE.
Honestly I have never stooped so low as I did for that guy. I will admit that I really did beg him to reconsider the TWO times he broke things off with me. I truly regret that shit because I should never have to beg a MAN to grow some balls and deal with the hardships that are getting over someone and being with someone who is willing to treat you much better than you deserve.
Piece of shit.
I don't believe in second chances and this has truly proven my reasons why. Shit doesn't change. If anyone in the future asks me why I am so against giving people more than one chance to be in my life I will point in his direction. Why are you so special? I truly believed you were my friend and would care how I felt about things and that I could open up to you.
Funny how when I started to open up even more he decided he couldn't take it.
Well, I deleted the message and his conversation off my phone for obvious reasons. But I will honestly remember what he told me for a very long time because it unnecessary and uncalled for. I'm one of those people that actually likes knowing why people break up with me. I don't feel insulted because I don't believe I'm some perfect being that doesn't need to learn to hold back or pull some things out.
However, Steven decided not to actually tell me why. He told me something that he believed justified the break up but didn't explain it. He said:
"I don't love you and I can never love you and I don't want to waste your time."
Waste my time?! Do you not know how long it has been?! A month and a half since we found that we liked each other as more than friends. A month and a half since you have been flip flopping on me. A month and a half since I have sat here and given you all my attention when other dudes were CLEARLY interested. Waste my time? Oh no, honey. You've already wasted enough of my time.
I hate when guys use that "I don't want to waste your time" line. Listen, bub, I know you mean YOUR time because I doubt you care much about what I'm doing since we clearly can't have a conversation about this.
He had supposedly not been able to sleep that night thinking about "the situation". This kid couldn't even call it a relationship! We were a situation, not a relationship. Clearly I have no idea what I'm talking about.
Oh but, listen, I'm so glad that you will no longer be losing sleep on whatever is that we had. I could never forgive myself if you lost a wink of sleep to thoughts of me. It's so very unhealthy to not sleep before a hard day of working at a bakery and going to work out. Definitely.
After telling my cousins, my best friend, and my mom, the consensus was the same: he is a dick and doesn't deserve an ounce of acknowledgement from me. I could be sad for a little bit be he truly doesn't deserve a damn tear. My mom had the best response:
"Hold on... he did it over txt msg??? So he doesn't have the cojones [balls] to talk face to face?? Sad, really not worth being sad for long. A man that can't say what he thinks or wants in your face is not worth the time.."
I love my mom.
Anyway he texted me Tuesday night around 10 pm saying "hey". Ok, can we talk about the point that he broke up with me Monday morning and he decided it was alright to text me not that night, but the night after? Why??
(La puta que te pario = the whore that birthed you. Basically cursing a person's mother, even though Steven's mom was quite nice I still dislike her son enough to insult her)
^That's a pretty accurate depiction of my reaction. So I didn't answer and texted my bbfl this hilariously frantic message:
"OMFG HE DID IT. HE JUST TEXTED ME AFTER ONE GODFORSAKEN DAY. HE KNOWS I MET A BOY. FUCK MY MOTHERFUCKING LIFE. WHY IS THERE NO BIGGER FONT THAN CAPS?!?!?! THIS IS NOT EXPRESSING HOW INSANE I FEEL. FUCK."
Not my best. But I literally saw that "hey" and pressed the back button to my messages and wrote that. She called me a few minutes later and I had the only blow out. I also told her about the boy I met but that's for another post.
So then he texted me some long ass paragraph about how he didn't want me to hate him and that if I want he can delete my number and that he'll stop "bothering" me. All with "..." in between sentences to express sadness. I just wanted to punch him in the face. All I said was:
"I don't hate you. I just need you to leave me alone."
Then he sent one sentence to text him when I was ready to talk. MOTHERFUCKER.
I know this post is gif overload but nothing is better than moving pictures to simulate how I feel. Because I mean really?! How are you going to get pissy with me when YOU BROKE UP WITH ME YESTERDAY MORNING. Don't tell me you have the balls to text me the next day like we're ok but not the balls to see my face when you tell me that YOU DON'T LOVE AND NEVER WILL.
Someone needs to explain to me what goes through his head that he thinks any of that is logical.
So yeah. I will have a good feeling and shopping post up later. Most likely after tomorrow since tonight's plans are subject to change.
