This adventure started on March 22nd, 2012 and ended on April 16th, 2012.
Let me first begin by explaining that I understand that breakups are common and this is not going to be a sob fest. Instead, this will be a dissection of a section of the male population that seems to be missing parts of their brain or must be missing the point of relationships all together.
I'm not going to pretend that I was not sad at the time of the breakup. I actually have not felt as shitty as I usually would, even though I have been fairing much better than I could ever have expected thanks to such wonderful friends and family members. But I am proud to say that I have yet to actually cry because of the end of this relationship. I do believe that is commendable.
Now, I believe I have explained how Steven has been my friend since last year and I actually did consider him a very good friend, if not a best friend. So, since everyone seems to rave about how relationships are so much better when you're friends for a while with the person before dating them, I didn't believe that if me and Steven broke up it would be such a shitty, disastrous mess as it was.
The funny part is that it wasn't messy. As far as I know, he didn't cheat on me and I didn't cheat on him. But who knows if his ex had some influence on this? That boy is still emotionally unstable and I really do blame myself for jumping into the murky waters of relationships with recently single people again just to end up hitting my head at the bottom.
Anyway, I will recount a different story that happened during these days later on this blog entry or maybe later on today after driving school.
After my shopping trip with my cousin on Saturday, we decided to plan a sleep over for Sunday night. I had turned my phone off that night before going to sleep since I had forgotten my charger and both my cousin's were charging their phones. When I woke up and turned on my phone in the morning, I had one text waiting for me from Steven.
My phone previews a line or two of the message for me when I receive them. From the top line I could say that he didn't say "good morning" but just "hi" and some sentence afterwards. I won't lie. I have been expecting a text like that since we decided to start dating again. And on a Monday! How iconic!
So I read the message and I did feel that cold feeling through my veins, in my chest and in my stomach. I was truly disappointed to read such a shitty breakup text. Wait. It was a text.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU.
This is really what I believe to be the worst part about the breakup. I have broken up with people over the phone if I could not reach them any time soon, but I prefer to do it face to face (even though that really does kill me inside. I mean who the hell wants to see someone's heart break right there?!) BUT COME ON. Are you really that much of a chicken shit that you can't at least CALL me or wait until I get home that afternoon/night and buy me a coffee and break up with me.
I swear. Guys need to understand that you are not sparing anyone any feelings. And then he added in the text to not text him back. BOY. IF I TEXTED YOU BACK AFTER THAT ATROCITY I WOULD NEVER FORGIVE MYSELF. I HAVE GIVEN ENOUGH OF MY DIGNITY BEFORE FUCKING BEGGING YOU TO NOT GIVE UP. I. AM. DONE.
Honestly I have never stooped so low as I did for that guy. I will admit that I really did beg him to reconsider the TWO times he broke things off with me. I truly regret that shit because I should never have to beg a MAN to grow some balls and deal with the hardships that are getting over someone and being with someone who is willing to treat you much better than you deserve.
Piece of shit.
I don't believe in second chances and this has truly proven my reasons why. Shit doesn't change. If anyone in the future asks me why I am so against giving people more than one chance to be in my life I will point in his direction. Why are you so special? I truly believed you were my friend and would care how I felt about things and that I could open up to you.
Funny how when I started to open up even more he decided he couldn't take it.
Well, I deleted the message and his conversation off my phone for obvious reasons. But I will honestly remember what he told me for a very long time because it unnecessary and uncalled for. I'm one of those people that actually likes knowing why people break up with me. I don't feel insulted because I don't believe I'm some perfect being that doesn't need to learn to hold back or pull some things out.
However, Steven decided not to actually tell me why. He told me something that he believed justified the break up but didn't explain it. He said:
"I don't love you and I can never love you and I don't want to waste your time."
Waste my time?! Do you not know how long it has been?! A month and a half since we found that we liked each other as more than friends. A month and a half since you have been flip flopping on me. A month and a half since I have sat here and given you all my attention when other dudes were CLEARLY interested. Waste my time? Oh no, honey. You've already wasted enough of my time.
I hate when guys use that "I don't want to waste your time" line. Listen, bub, I know you mean YOUR time because I doubt you care much about what I'm doing since we clearly can't have a conversation about this.
He had supposedly not been able to sleep that night thinking about "the situation". This kid couldn't even call it a relationship! We were a situation, not a relationship. Clearly I have no idea what I'm talking about.
Oh but, listen, I'm so glad that you will no longer be losing sleep on whatever is that we had. I could never forgive myself if you lost a wink of sleep to thoughts of me. It's so very unhealthy to not sleep before a hard day of working at a bakery and going to work out. Definitely.
After telling my cousins, my best friend, and my mom, the consensus was the same: he is a dick and doesn't deserve an ounce of acknowledgement from me. I could be sad for a little bit be he truly doesn't deserve a damn tear. My mom had the best response:
"Hold on... he did it over txt msg??? So he doesn't have the cojones [balls] to talk face to face?? Sad, really not worth being sad for long. A man that can't say what he thinks or wants in your face is not worth the time.."
I love my mom.
Anyway he texted me Tuesday night around 10 pm saying "hey". Ok, can we talk about the point that he broke up with me Monday morning and he decided it was alright to text me not that night, but the night after? Why??
(La puta que te pario = the whore that birthed you. Basically cursing a person's mother, even though Steven's mom was quite nice I still dislike her son enough to insult her)
^That's a pretty accurate depiction of my reaction. So I didn't answer and texted my bbfl this hilariously frantic message:
"OMFG HE DID IT. HE JUST TEXTED ME AFTER ONE GODFORSAKEN DAY. HE KNOWS I MET A BOY. FUCK MY MOTHERFUCKING LIFE. WHY IS THERE NO BIGGER FONT THAN CAPS?!?!?! THIS IS NOT EXPRESSING HOW INSANE I FEEL. FUCK."Not my best. But I literally saw that "hey" and pressed the back button to my messages and wrote that. She called me a few minutes later and I had the only blow out. I also told her about the boy I met but that's for another post.
So then he texted me some long ass paragraph about how he didn't want me to hate him and that if I want he can delete my number and that he'll stop "bothering" me. All with "..." in between sentences to express sadness. I just wanted to punch him in the face. All I said was:
"I don't hate you. I just need you to leave me alone."Then he sent one sentence to text him when I was ready to talk. MOTHERFUCKER.
I know this post is gif overload but nothing is better than moving pictures to simulate how I feel. Because I mean really?! How are you going to get pissy with me when YOU BROKE UP WITH ME YESTERDAY MORNING. Don't tell me you have the balls to text me the next day like we're ok but not the balls to see my face when you tell me that YOU DON'T LOVE AND NEVER WILL.
Someone needs to explain to me what goes through his head that he thinks any of that is logical.
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